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How to spice up your sex life
Whether you’re tired of doing the same old thing in the bedroom, want to take your intimacy to the next level, make sex more pleasurable, reignite your sex life, strengthen your relationship, or just try something fun and new, there are lots of reasons to consider spicing up your sex life.
“Over time, in relationships, partners can become too familiar,” says Kate Balestrieri, licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy. “Novelty in the bedroom is one way couples can reintroduce themselves to each other, over and over again. Learning new things about ourselves and our partners keeps us curious, engaged, and alive with relational vitality.”
Exploring new dimensions of sexual play together can be a form of adventure and can introduce elements of novelty, creativity, and intensity, she says. But that doesn’t mean you have to install a sex swing or drop a few grand on a couples cruise (although those are fun too!)
Despite what the movies may show, really great sex generally isn’t a surprising, spontaneous act and a little planning can go a long way in creating a positive, fulfilling, and engaging sexual experience, says Rachel Zar, certified sex expert at Spark Chicago Therapy and the Northwestern Medicine Center for Sexual Medicine at Northwestern University. This is especially true if you struggle with your libido or if you’re in a long-term relationship.
Below, expert-approved ways to have better sex.
(Related: Samantha Bitty Knows Good Sex (and Wants You to Know It, Too))
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Be mindful
Mindfulness is touted as a cure for everything from depression to overeating and that’s because your brain is such a powerful tool. Learning to be mindful about your body, particularly in relation to sex, can help you be more interested in doing it, more involved when it happens, and experience more pleasure, says Zar. Distracted sex is not good sex.”This is all about getting out of your partner’s mindset or your to-do list or your kids’ stuff and, instead, learning to focus on what’s happening inside you,” says Zar. There are sensual or erotic guided meditations but even practicing regular mindfulness can be helpful during sex.
(Related: 49 Interesting Sex Facts You Probably Didn’t Know)
